I don't know how in tune with this truth the Beatles were when they sang All You Need Is Love, but they were more right then they could probably ever have dreamed of.
This isn't some frivolous comment either. There is data and research to back up this statement.
With several studies made about all sorts of human behavior, the effect of love in its assorted guises brought up some surprising revelations.
During the world war, a study was conducted on what was most required by orphaned children to prosper. The astounding discovery that human contact, ie hugging and holding, was more significant than a good quality diet blew the researchers away.
Here are four concrete effects of love.
1. Love induces a condition of cheerfulness and contentment. Apart from the measured chemical changes that happiness brings, good humor helps in the curing of any ailment. The remedial properties of hilarity are the most efficient means of curing cancer. This brought on by a significant loving relationship, is about as potent a therapeutic agent as is recognized to man. Even the effects of medication are improved by a tranquil and loving environment. Apart from all this, love lowers blood pressure and helps avoid depression.
2. Couples that are in love, and I mean actually still in love after years of being together, feel younger. Ageing seems to be slowed down by a loving situation. Couples still have a bounce in their stride when with each other, even though their age in years should let them be a great deal more sedate.
3. Love helps us manage. Life will be life. There will be trials and troubles, disasters and tragedies. Being in a loving and caring situation, is actually a pillar of strength in these times. When there seems merely despondency, love is a reason to carry on, a reason to go onward. It provides the knowledge that matters can improve.
4. Love is a essential element of feeling content. For some reason, people that don't have love, are forever searching and never finding. Their entire existence seems to filled with striving for the following thing. Internal calm and contentment seems to evade them.
Some love facts to consider:
Being happily married to a sympathetic spouse can halve your threat of developing diabetes - University of Washington Research
Men that kiss their wives farewell prior to going to work, are healthier and miss fewer days off work, as well as living 5 years longer - German Researchers
The companionship of a loving partner, lowers a cancer patients risk of dying as much as being ten years younger say scientists.
Holding your partners hand for merely ten minutes, significantly reduces stress levels - North Carolina University
So what have you got to lose. Fall in love, stay in love, its the best thing you can do.
Always keep in mind, the most important person to love, is yourself. A healthy self respect and self love, is essential to being able to share love with another human being. Take care of yourself, then expand that loving feeling around you.
For tips and sources of the best dating information I have found, visit my blog at http://www.udov.com/relationships
Thursday, September 21, 2006
60 Words and Phrases that Make Men Fall Deeper in Love
The interesting thing about getting the love you deserve is that you have a great deal of influence in the kind of love you get. Most times, the love one gets is a function of the kind of love one gives. And when it comes to love, communication is the fuel that fans its flame. The words you choose can be the difference between a relationship where there is constant drama or one that is nurturing, blissful and romantic.
Now that you know that, let me share a little bit of the kinds of words that just simply turns men on and makes them want to love you even more.
1. Honey
2. Sweetheart
3. Sweetie
4. Baby
5. Darling
6. Sexy
7. Fine
8. Handsome
9. Stud muffin
10. Sugar
11. You just make me feel so good.
12. You are the best.
13. I can’t get enough of you.
14. You drive me wild.
15. You know me inside and out.
16. I love you so much.
17. I love you with all my heart and soul.
18. You make me laugh.
19. You are so funny.
20. I love the way you love me.
21. I love the way you make me feel.
22. I never want you to stop loving me.
23. I don’t know what I would do without you in my life.
24. You make me feel so special.
25. I need you in my life.
26. You just made my day.
27. I can’t get enough of your hugs and kisses.
28. I apologize.
29. I promise to love you forever.
30. You are the one for me.
31. I don’t need anyone else in my life.
32. You are more than enough for me.
33. Marry me and make me the happiest woman.
34. I have always loved you and will always love you.
35. I miss you so much.
36. I am so lonely without you.
37. My life is empty without you.
38. I can’t wait to see you.
39. I want to be with you forever.
40. I love the way you hold me.
41. It kills me to know that you will be gone for a long time.
42. I feel like I am dreaming when I am with you.
43. I have never been loved like this before.
44. I’d love to wake up next to you forever.
45. It hurts me so much to see you this way.
46. If I can’t be with you, then I don’t want to be with anyone else.
47. I am not waiting for a knight in shining armor – mine has already arrived.
48. If your kisses were wishes I would make a 1000 wishes.
49. Life has never been better since you came into my life.
50. I can’t believe we have been together for so long. I guess time flies when you are having fun.
51. I will go to the ends of the world for you.
52. Life without your love is a life I’d rather not live.
53. I love the way you look at me.
54. I trust you with all my heart.
55. Thank you for all you have done for me.
56. The words “I love you” are not enough to express how I feel about you.
57. I can't find the words to express how you make me feel.
58. You make me feel like I am the luckiest girl in the world.
59. Just being with you is enough for me to have a great time.
60. You don’t have to say a word for me to feel your love.
Life without endearing words is like being in a garden without flowers. Endearing words create a feeling that transcends our reality and makes life worth living.
To find out more about how you can make your man fall head over heels in love with you, please visit: http://www.smartwomansguide.com.
Don’t forget to share this article with your friends – they will be glad you did.
Steve Ubah is the author of Passion Keys – A Woman’s Ultimate Guide To Unlocking The Love In A Man’s Heart. To find out how you can make your man fall madly in love with you, please visit http://www.smartwomansguide.com/
A note to all publishers: Feel free to reprint this article in its entirety in your ezine, newsletter or website as long as the article’s content is not modified and all links as well as the author’s resource box are included.
Now that you know that, let me share a little bit of the kinds of words that just simply turns men on and makes them want to love you even more.
1. Honey
2. Sweetheart
3. Sweetie
4. Baby
5. Darling
6. Sexy
7. Fine
8. Handsome
9. Stud muffin
10. Sugar
11. You just make me feel so good.
12. You are the best.
13. I can’t get enough of you.
14. You drive me wild.
15. You know me inside and out.
16. I love you so much.
17. I love you with all my heart and soul.
18. You make me laugh.
19. You are so funny.
20. I love the way you love me.
21. I love the way you make me feel.
22. I never want you to stop loving me.
23. I don’t know what I would do without you in my life.
24. You make me feel so special.
25. I need you in my life.
26. You just made my day.
27. I can’t get enough of your hugs and kisses.
28. I apologize.
29. I promise to love you forever.
30. You are the one for me.
31. I don’t need anyone else in my life.
32. You are more than enough for me.
33. Marry me and make me the happiest woman.
34. I have always loved you and will always love you.
35. I miss you so much.
36. I am so lonely without you.
37. My life is empty without you.
38. I can’t wait to see you.
39. I want to be with you forever.
40. I love the way you hold me.
41. It kills me to know that you will be gone for a long time.
42. I feel like I am dreaming when I am with you.
43. I have never been loved like this before.
44. I’d love to wake up next to you forever.
45. It hurts me so much to see you this way.
46. If I can’t be with you, then I don’t want to be with anyone else.
47. I am not waiting for a knight in shining armor – mine has already arrived.
48. If your kisses were wishes I would make a 1000 wishes.
49. Life has never been better since you came into my life.
50. I can’t believe we have been together for so long. I guess time flies when you are having fun.
51. I will go to the ends of the world for you.
52. Life without your love is a life I’d rather not live.
53. I love the way you look at me.
54. I trust you with all my heart.
55. Thank you for all you have done for me.
56. The words “I love you” are not enough to express how I feel about you.
57. I can't find the words to express how you make me feel.
58. You make me feel like I am the luckiest girl in the world.
59. Just being with you is enough for me to have a great time.
60. You don’t have to say a word for me to feel your love.
Life without endearing words is like being in a garden without flowers. Endearing words create a feeling that transcends our reality and makes life worth living.
To find out more about how you can make your man fall head over heels in love with you, please visit: http://www.smartwomansguide.com.
Don’t forget to share this article with your friends – they will be glad you did.
Steve Ubah is the author of Passion Keys – A Woman’s Ultimate Guide To Unlocking The Love In A Man’s Heart. To find out how you can make your man fall madly in love with you, please visit http://www.smartwomansguide.com/
A note to all publishers: Feel free to reprint this article in its entirety in your ezine, newsletter or website as long as the article’s content is not modified and all links as well as the author’s resource box are included.
Reading Body Language in Depth
Body Language can tell you a lot about what is happening in a relationship in so many ways. Is somebody feeling distant, having second thoughts, or are they going to go home rip off all your clothes and make wild, passionate love to you as soon as you close the front door.
The clues are in the body language of your partner.
Walking:
Let’s take just walking to a destination for an example.
Things that say you are in sync are great. You are walking in about the same pace, side by side. Holding hands is another positive. If you go to look at your partner and admire them they should automatically return the admiration. There is a process known as mirroring in psychology and NLP which stands for Neuro-Linguistic Programming. NLP goes as far to say you should copy the persons mannerisms, body language to get more in rapport with a person. This shouldn’t be necessary as if you are connecting well you and your partner should be in sync already. There have even been studies that say heart rates get similar.
Warning signs for walking exists when couples aren’t in rapport. If somebody walks far ahead or behind they both have meanings. Far ahead would mean they just wish to lead, and get away from their partner. Somebody who walks far behind could be scared of their partner, and feel intimidated by them.
If your partner crosses the street and gives absolutely no verbal or non verbal signals it is also a negative sign.
Sitting:
Now sitting is another example that can be used. Look at a pair of newlyweds. You’ll see a lot of times they sit next to each other in booths at a restaurant not across from one another. They tend to remain close to each other no matter what. A family with a close mother and father do the same thing even when kids are involved. A partner I’m dating might even sit sideways facing me in a car when they are really into me.
Couples with good body language will take the time to connect all the time. The will face towards one another and when distractions stop will reengage each other in connecting. This can be done with kissing, holding hands, eye contact, or conversation. Their bodies should be angled towards each other and physical contact is done quite often. Another sign in a restaurant is both of the couples are eating in proportion to each other.
Negative signs are when somebody doesn’t connect during breaks. They instead read a menu again, look out the window, play with their purse or engage everybody but the person they are will. Their bodies are probably angled away from each other and physical contact in minimal. If somebody is eating a lot of their meal and the other is hardly touching their plate something is going on. The person hardly touching their plate is probably bothered by something.
Making Love:
When a couple is in sync they connect on a much deeper level they just physical. There should be a strong mental aspect. Eye contact is one of the biggest things both partners should be able to freely look into each other’s eyes during sex. Touching, holding, kissing is usually all a natural occurrence that happens during love making. A clasp of the hands with your partners, eye contact and others signal a much deeper connection. Partners should be willing to give pleasure as well as receive pleasure.
Some warning signs could be closed eyes , in a stiffness in the shoulders and neck. These signal coldness, anxiety
Be aware of the nonverbal communicate you have with your mate. There was a research study done by a psychologist known as Albert Mehrabian. His findings were it’s not what you say but how you say it that really matters. Verbal communication only accounts for 7% of the total communication we communicate.
Robert Torrey
Robert Torrey is a dating and relationship trainer. He has trained many men how to attract and date women that they meet on the street, nightclubs and malls.
http://www.badboycoaching.com/
The clues are in the body language of your partner.
Walking:
Let’s take just walking to a destination for an example.
Things that say you are in sync are great. You are walking in about the same pace, side by side. Holding hands is another positive. If you go to look at your partner and admire them they should automatically return the admiration. There is a process known as mirroring in psychology and NLP which stands for Neuro-Linguistic Programming. NLP goes as far to say you should copy the persons mannerisms, body language to get more in rapport with a person. This shouldn’t be necessary as if you are connecting well you and your partner should be in sync already. There have even been studies that say heart rates get similar.
Warning signs for walking exists when couples aren’t in rapport. If somebody walks far ahead or behind they both have meanings. Far ahead would mean they just wish to lead, and get away from their partner. Somebody who walks far behind could be scared of their partner, and feel intimidated by them.
If your partner crosses the street and gives absolutely no verbal or non verbal signals it is also a negative sign.
Sitting:
Now sitting is another example that can be used. Look at a pair of newlyweds. You’ll see a lot of times they sit next to each other in booths at a restaurant not across from one another. They tend to remain close to each other no matter what. A family with a close mother and father do the same thing even when kids are involved. A partner I’m dating might even sit sideways facing me in a car when they are really into me.
Couples with good body language will take the time to connect all the time. The will face towards one another and when distractions stop will reengage each other in connecting. This can be done with kissing, holding hands, eye contact, or conversation. Their bodies should be angled towards each other and physical contact is done quite often. Another sign in a restaurant is both of the couples are eating in proportion to each other.
Negative signs are when somebody doesn’t connect during breaks. They instead read a menu again, look out the window, play with their purse or engage everybody but the person they are will. Their bodies are probably angled away from each other and physical contact in minimal. If somebody is eating a lot of their meal and the other is hardly touching their plate something is going on. The person hardly touching their plate is probably bothered by something.
Making Love:
When a couple is in sync they connect on a much deeper level they just physical. There should be a strong mental aspect. Eye contact is one of the biggest things both partners should be able to freely look into each other’s eyes during sex. Touching, holding, kissing is usually all a natural occurrence that happens during love making. A clasp of the hands with your partners, eye contact and others signal a much deeper connection. Partners should be willing to give pleasure as well as receive pleasure.
Some warning signs could be closed eyes , in a stiffness in the shoulders and neck. These signal coldness, anxiety
Be aware of the nonverbal communicate you have with your mate. There was a research study done by a psychologist known as Albert Mehrabian. His findings were it’s not what you say but how you say it that really matters. Verbal communication only accounts for 7% of the total communication we communicate.
Robert Torrey
Robert Torrey is a dating and relationship trainer. He has trained many men how to attract and date women that they meet on the street, nightclubs and malls.
http://www.badboycoaching.com/
How To Make A Girl Fall In Love With You
Getting a girl of your dreams is much like getting the car of your dream. But unlike a car which you can always bargain for, there is nothing like a 20 percent discount in courting the girl of your dreams, she's so sweet a thing to be discounted, you dearly are in love with her and your feelings for her can only be communicated not by the words of the mouth, but by the words of the heart. Getting the girl actually depends on how big your heart is - faint heart, never won fair lady.
The first step in the heart-winning exercise for any man is to make a good impression. In your doing so, you don't have to talk, dress or do the common things that all the Toms do to get a decent girl's attention. Be unique, that's all you need. Be a man of his own style. Dress decently - indecency can make one be mistaken for arrogance; watch your language - obscene language gives the impression of immaturity, being uncultured and cheap; be a man of good habits - don't drink or smoke like any other loser.
Let her fall in love gradually. Romance is an important part of falling in love. When in College I had a crush on the most beautiful lady in our first year lot. Though all senior guys were out to get that girl, I managed to divert her attention from the other guys. I wrote her three letters without disclosing my identity and slid into her room secretly; all I said was 'Yours Secret Admirer.' The first letter contained the meaning of her name, this I got by playing around with the initials of her name to make meaning. The second was a funny message that could only be read backwards and it was all about her physique and her smartness. In the third letter I told the girl to be ready to receive a rose flower from her admirer, but only if she could be kind enough to phone him using a number that I had included in the letter. The girl did phone me that very night, and her first words to me were, "Hallo Secret Admirer." So, the story of our love affair came to be. Later she told me that was so creative of me, no one had approached her in that manner. I made her fall in love with me in the romantic manner.
Befriending and understanding the girl you are out to get is the next important thing. This is what I also did. You have to understand that as a lady, she loves to be loved, adores to be adored and needs to be needed. This will move you closer to the girl and you'll get to know what she's into, what she likes and dislikes, and what her style is. Love is built upon friendship and it always leaves individuals better off having known each other should they break up. I and my College steady were to break some time later but to date, we are the best of buddies. Be sure that bringing out the selflessness friend in you will make her create room for you in her heart.
A shoulder to lean on and some good friend that she can always turn to is all that a lady wants. Please don't hesitate to be helpful and supportive. Be that friend who rekindles her zeal of hardworking and restoring hope back into her life when she looses hope. This above all other things will make you her daily vitamin simply because you bring out the best in her in terms of personality and character. In you, she'll have found that friend whom she can open up to, share with and advice each other on the rights and wrongs, the dos and don'ts of life. Don't forget to always be there to celebrate the good times, and to lend an ear when the girl needs you to listen as a friend.
Make the girl feel special; because she's someone's friend - your friend, and let her know that she too has touched your life in a unique way like no one else could. Compliment her for her company and for being there when you needed her, when you felt sad and all alone. Show appreciations for the comfort the girl offers you and for making you smile.
In your day to day talks, share your dreams, your world, and every aspect of your life with your girl. Always dream with her, build with her, and always cheer her on and encourage her. Tell your girl how you always think about her even when you try not to think about her. Let the girl know that she's your first thing in the morning and the last thing when you go to bed at night.
Her knowing that you were thinking of her when you slipped beneath the softness of your blanket and gave in to the bliss of sweet dreams, will make her go 'my my' and her heart will sing your name all the year round.
You have to be creative and constructive to keep girl's interest in you so full of life. I remember one time I told my girlfriend to be to imagine we are both deaf and dump. We then sat opposite each other on the table and started sharing our feelings for each other using eyes and hand signs. It turned out to be some fun. There was also this time that we were in the library and we decided we are not going to speak to each other verbal, so I wrote a love note on a paper and passed it across the table to her, she replied and on and on we carried on our love on paper conversation till we almost exhausted a whole rim of paper. At sometime, I noticed that some guys sited with us on the table were enjoying our ordeal than their studies. Such are the things that made the girl embrace my world. I remember her suggesting that we play deaf and dump two years after we broke up, can you imagine that?
Never fail to phone her, even when she least expects it. I once called some girl that I was interested in at four o'clock in the morning. When inquiring of what I was doing up so early, I told her I was in thirteenth heaven, where people think of their loved ones when they can't sleep. Wow! First thing early the next morning, she was at my door with a king-sized hug for me. No matter how many dates you take her, don't make any elbow - exceeding moves after any date, just drop her home and with a friendly handshake, wish her good night. Don't kiss her when she expects you to. Your respect as a gentleman will be earned on how patient you are with her when it comes to such matters as kissing her and accessing her inner graces.
The writing is on the wall that you want her, but you can't have her just yet. Increase your demand. Try to show her that men are also hard to get at times. Make her realize that when she feels a little dizzy, a little tired, a little sad, a little sick, a lot bored and very much cold, she's actually missing vitamin you. By this time, she'll be so much into you and since love is truthful and is characterized by open and honest communication, honestly promise her your everlasting devotion, loyalty, respect, and your unconditional love for a lifetime. Prove to her that you'll always be there for her, to listen and to hold her hand, and that you'll always do your best to make her happy, and feel loved.
Remember, patience is the key to her heart; be like that gardener watching a fruit as it hangs on the tree, day after day admiring it, but, exercising tremendous self-discipline, neither feeling the fruit, nor pinching it, nor testing it to see if it is ready. And then, one day he holds out his hand and the fruit simply drops into it, ripe, warm and eager to be eaten.
The patience and self-control which you practice will make you more attractive and charming. This will qualify you as her daily vitamin and win you that heart hers.
I wish you to meet the girl of your dreams ASAP, make her fall in love with you, and make her feel the happiest girl in the world!
Vlad Karl is a writer who maintains a dating and love relationship column on http://www.meetingland.com/.
The first step in the heart-winning exercise for any man is to make a good impression. In your doing so, you don't have to talk, dress or do the common things that all the Toms do to get a decent girl's attention. Be unique, that's all you need. Be a man of his own style. Dress decently - indecency can make one be mistaken for arrogance; watch your language - obscene language gives the impression of immaturity, being uncultured and cheap; be a man of good habits - don't drink or smoke like any other loser.
Let her fall in love gradually. Romance is an important part of falling in love. When in College I had a crush on the most beautiful lady in our first year lot. Though all senior guys were out to get that girl, I managed to divert her attention from the other guys. I wrote her three letters without disclosing my identity and slid into her room secretly; all I said was 'Yours Secret Admirer.' The first letter contained the meaning of her name, this I got by playing around with the initials of her name to make meaning. The second was a funny message that could only be read backwards and it was all about her physique and her smartness. In the third letter I told the girl to be ready to receive a rose flower from her admirer, but only if she could be kind enough to phone him using a number that I had included in the letter. The girl did phone me that very night, and her first words to me were, "Hallo Secret Admirer." So, the story of our love affair came to be. Later she told me that was so creative of me, no one had approached her in that manner. I made her fall in love with me in the romantic manner.
Befriending and understanding the girl you are out to get is the next important thing. This is what I also did. You have to understand that as a lady, she loves to be loved, adores to be adored and needs to be needed. This will move you closer to the girl and you'll get to know what she's into, what she likes and dislikes, and what her style is. Love is built upon friendship and it always leaves individuals better off having known each other should they break up. I and my College steady were to break some time later but to date, we are the best of buddies. Be sure that bringing out the selflessness friend in you will make her create room for you in her heart.
A shoulder to lean on and some good friend that she can always turn to is all that a lady wants. Please don't hesitate to be helpful and supportive. Be that friend who rekindles her zeal of hardworking and restoring hope back into her life when she looses hope. This above all other things will make you her daily vitamin simply because you bring out the best in her in terms of personality and character. In you, she'll have found that friend whom she can open up to, share with and advice each other on the rights and wrongs, the dos and don'ts of life. Don't forget to always be there to celebrate the good times, and to lend an ear when the girl needs you to listen as a friend.
Make the girl feel special; because she's someone's friend - your friend, and let her know that she too has touched your life in a unique way like no one else could. Compliment her for her company and for being there when you needed her, when you felt sad and all alone. Show appreciations for the comfort the girl offers you and for making you smile.
In your day to day talks, share your dreams, your world, and every aspect of your life with your girl. Always dream with her, build with her, and always cheer her on and encourage her. Tell your girl how you always think about her even when you try not to think about her. Let the girl know that she's your first thing in the morning and the last thing when you go to bed at night.
Her knowing that you were thinking of her when you slipped beneath the softness of your blanket and gave in to the bliss of sweet dreams, will make her go 'my my' and her heart will sing your name all the year round.
You have to be creative and constructive to keep girl's interest in you so full of life. I remember one time I told my girlfriend to be to imagine we are both deaf and dump. We then sat opposite each other on the table and started sharing our feelings for each other using eyes and hand signs. It turned out to be some fun. There was also this time that we were in the library and we decided we are not going to speak to each other verbal, so I wrote a love note on a paper and passed it across the table to her, she replied and on and on we carried on our love on paper conversation till we almost exhausted a whole rim of paper. At sometime, I noticed that some guys sited with us on the table were enjoying our ordeal than their studies. Such are the things that made the girl embrace my world. I remember her suggesting that we play deaf and dump two years after we broke up, can you imagine that?
Never fail to phone her, even when she least expects it. I once called some girl that I was interested in at four o'clock in the morning. When inquiring of what I was doing up so early, I told her I was in thirteenth heaven, where people think of their loved ones when they can't sleep. Wow! First thing early the next morning, she was at my door with a king-sized hug for me. No matter how many dates you take her, don't make any elbow - exceeding moves after any date, just drop her home and with a friendly handshake, wish her good night. Don't kiss her when she expects you to. Your respect as a gentleman will be earned on how patient you are with her when it comes to such matters as kissing her and accessing her inner graces.
The writing is on the wall that you want her, but you can't have her just yet. Increase your demand. Try to show her that men are also hard to get at times. Make her realize that when she feels a little dizzy, a little tired, a little sad, a little sick, a lot bored and very much cold, she's actually missing vitamin you. By this time, she'll be so much into you and since love is truthful and is characterized by open and honest communication, honestly promise her your everlasting devotion, loyalty, respect, and your unconditional love for a lifetime. Prove to her that you'll always be there for her, to listen and to hold her hand, and that you'll always do your best to make her happy, and feel loved.
Remember, patience is the key to her heart; be like that gardener watching a fruit as it hangs on the tree, day after day admiring it, but, exercising tremendous self-discipline, neither feeling the fruit, nor pinching it, nor testing it to see if it is ready. And then, one day he holds out his hand and the fruit simply drops into it, ripe, warm and eager to be eaten.
The patience and self-control which you practice will make you more attractive and charming. This will qualify you as her daily vitamin and win you that heart hers.
I wish you to meet the girl of your dreams ASAP, make her fall in love with you, and make her feel the happiest girl in the world!
Vlad Karl is a writer who maintains a dating and love relationship column on http://www.meetingland.com/.
How to Love Unconditionally
Giving unconditional love requires you to love without any expectations. It seems difficult to only love and not demand anything in return in today’s world where everyone is selfish and egotistic. But even in this world we see many examples of unconditional love, for example the love a mother gives to her child, the love between two life partners and the love bestowed upon siblings. To love unconditionally you will have to learn to sacrifice your self, your desires, and most importantly your ego. Let’s find out how to love unconditionally and give happiness to a person without demanding anything in return.
First of all you have to remember that you are not supposed to expect anything from the person you love. It’s true that love makes its way itself. When you love somebody with so much passion and ardor, it’s sure to come round in one way or another. But if somehow you don’t get as much as you give, don’t complain or argue. Always keep in mind that loving others and giving them everything you have will make you satisfied and happy with yourself.
You need to develop a strong will power to be able to love unconditionally. At some point in our lives we all demand some kind of love and want to express our own love for someone. Believe in the principle of giving more and demanding less. When someone asks you for a favor always be ready to give it. Never complain that you don’t have enough or you have other tasks to do. Set your priorities in such a way that everyone else comes first and your own demands come last.
When you love somebody unconditionally you want the best for that person. Think positively about them even if they make mistakes or do not return your feelings. Give them sincere advice about their future and other decisions. Always look around for the betterment of your loved ones without any envy on your part. If you have to sacrifice something of your own for them, don’t hesitate to do so. Only then you will truly be able to love unconditionally.
Remember that unconditional love is given without any expectations or limitations. You don’t define any scope of your love or that how long will you love a person. This is an eternal feeling which should be kept alive in all circumstances and all situations. Never lose hope and keep on loving people who are dear and close to you, only then you will be able to live a completely satisfied and emotionally balanced life.
DatingShare.com is 100% free dating site and matchmaking service for singles. Plus provides free dating forum with dating tips and relationship advice.
First of all you have to remember that you are not supposed to expect anything from the person you love. It’s true that love makes its way itself. When you love somebody with so much passion and ardor, it’s sure to come round in one way or another. But if somehow you don’t get as much as you give, don’t complain or argue. Always keep in mind that loving others and giving them everything you have will make you satisfied and happy with yourself.
You need to develop a strong will power to be able to love unconditionally. At some point in our lives we all demand some kind of love and want to express our own love for someone. Believe in the principle of giving more and demanding less. When someone asks you for a favor always be ready to give it. Never complain that you don’t have enough or you have other tasks to do. Set your priorities in such a way that everyone else comes first and your own demands come last.
When you love somebody unconditionally you want the best for that person. Think positively about them even if they make mistakes or do not return your feelings. Give them sincere advice about their future and other decisions. Always look around for the betterment of your loved ones without any envy on your part. If you have to sacrifice something of your own for them, don’t hesitate to do so. Only then you will truly be able to love unconditionally.
Remember that unconditional love is given without any expectations or limitations. You don’t define any scope of your love or that how long will you love a person. This is an eternal feeling which should be kept alive in all circumstances and all situations. Never lose hope and keep on loving people who are dear and close to you, only then you will be able to live a completely satisfied and emotionally balanced life.
DatingShare.com is 100% free dating site and matchmaking service for singles. Plus provides free dating forum with dating tips and relationship advice.
How Do You Know when Someone is in Love with You?
When
Often we have to ask ourselves, does he/she really love me? Is he/she really in love with me? Am I in love with him/her? Do I really love him/her? These are questions of the heart and only you know the answer. However, there are indicators to help us understand the answer to our question of being in love and knowing when someone is in love with us.
When there is a question, there is undoubtedly an answer. It may not be the answer we are looking for, but there is an answer. The key to receiving the answer is being able to accept the truth. Sometimes we don’t want to know the truth because it hurts. It hurts because we want things our way, just like we dreamed it up. Unfortunately, life cannot always be the dream that we want it to be. Sometimes, maybe most of the time for most of us, life is not the dream we want at all, not anything close to it. It’s important to understand that love does not love anyone, it just loves love. This is why it is so easy to fall in love and so difficult to stay in love. Love is! And that is it. The Bible says that there is no greater love than this, than a man lay down his life for his friend (John chapter 15 verse 13). If this is an indicator of someone being in love then we must be able to answer the question: “Would I die for him/her?” and “would he/she die for me?”
Often in relationships people neglect to embrace the truth of who they are and therefore cannot understand themselves enough to answer questions of love. For example, I have often asked this question of someone whom I was very interested in, “What did you not know about the person you just broke up with that you learned later in the relationship?” If a person is really truthful about this, they would say exactly what they learned down the road that they did not know in the beginning of the relationship. Often it is these things we find out later about a person that makes us change our mind about being with them. The response I typically get is, “I cannot answer that question.” Or “I have to think about that?” This indicates that there is nothing that they did not know from the beginning. The next question I typically ask is even more provocative and to the point, “Did you pay attention to what you knew about the person or did you think you could change them or they would change later on in the relationship?” The answer for this one is always, “I just thought things would change.” The point here is if you are honest with yourself and the person you are interested in, and truly pay attention to who you are and what you are about, you would not allow yourself to get into relationships where you had to change something about someone or wait for them to change something about themselves. This goes to that old cliché “Be true to yourself.” This is not to say that people don’t change, rather the change should be for the better, not the worse.
You see, answering the above questions honestly will give you power to embrace the truth about you. When you know the truth about you, it will allow you to deal with others with more honesty and truth as well. Now here is the touchy part, can you ask this question of someone you are in love with and accept their answer? When you make up your mind that you are in love with someone, does that mean that they must be in love with you? If so, then you are not really in love, you are in need of a hug. You cannot force anyone to be in love with you. This is what makes many marriages fail, people try to force each other to be in love and it ends up destroying the relationship. Being in love is something that must be voluntary. Some of the books on the subject of relationships and finding someone to fall in love with and have them fall in love with you are nothing more than a cookbook for a bad relationship. The famed game of love is just that, a game. You should take note, that as in all games, there are winners and losers. However, you should also know that “Love” is not a game, it is a life style and you need to be able to commit to that life style like a religion, with your mate, and like wise your mate must be able to commit to you in the same way.
How
There is nothing more to knowing if that man or that woman is in love with you or if you are in love with them. There is no secret, there is no game, there is only the truth. The truth is being willing to die for that person and that person being willing to die for you. In a since that is what marriage is all about: “Two people dying as individuals and becoming a new person together. Working together, pulling together, pushing together and being in love together for ever.”
Now the term “die” does not mean that you will actually go through with it at some point and end your life. God willing both of you will live a long time and be happy together. However, it does mean that when it comes to satisfying each other and making each other happy that you would put your inhibitions aside (kill your fears and worries) and do what is necessary to make your mate happy and like wise your mate must be able to do the same for you. If there is no reciprocity, then there is no love. Reciprocity does not mean a quid pro quo. In other words, never get into a situation where you only will do what your mate will do for you. This is not love. Sometimes you will give more then your mate and other times your mate will give more than you. This is how it will always be. There is no such thing as 50/50 love. Forget that Teddy Pendergrass song from back in the day, it only sounds good. When you find yourself giving more than your mate, just remember, this is the person you are in love with and this person is in love with you. The Bible says that “charity covers a multitude of sins” (I Peter Chapter 4 Verse 8 KJV). The definition of “charity” is: lenient judgment of others. You must be willing and able to have lenient judgment of the person you are in love with. Be willing to grow with your mate through communication when mistakes are made. This is an on going thing, it never ends as long as you both live.
Why
The Bible explains the greatest thing is charity: “And now abide faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity (I Corinthians Chapter 13 verse 13 KJV).” It also says “And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. (I Corinthians Chapter 13 verse 2 KJV)” When you consider what charity brings to a relationship, if you cannot show charity between each other, but everything else is simply wonderful, your relationship really is nothing.
Last, but not least, a clear indicator of someone being in love with you is when they can keep other people out of your personal relationship with them. Your friends and family may mean well, but you are not in love with them and they apparently cannot be in love with you like your mate. Otherwise, why do you even need to be with your mate? Keep your friends and family, but keep them out of your relationship when it comes to making yourself and your mate happy. A good Bible scripture for this is Mathew Chapter 6 verses 3 and 4: “But when you do a charitable deed, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, that your charitable deed may be in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will Himself reward you openly.”
Everyone does not need to be a mentor or counselor in your relationship with your mate. Learn how to keep most intimate things between you and your mate to yourself. I am not talking about abusive things, just personal things that should only be between you two.
You can tell when someone is in love with you when they are willing to consistently show charity and demonstrate unselfishness toward you and your needs. This does not mean that you should take kindness for weakness. This would be a big mistake. Often people show charity and love for their mate, but the mate takes it for granted and begins simply ignoring the truth of true love. Love just loves love and if love does not receive love back, then it will soon find another love. This again is a form of being able to die for them and they should reciprocate willing to die for you (die in the sense of putting there own selfishness aside to make you happy and you being able to do the same for them) with cheerfulness.
“Pastor Ethan” is a character based on Author, Nevada York from her novel, Mahogany’s Revelation. “Pastor Ethan” resides in the Bay Area of California. http://nevadayork.com/
Often we have to ask ourselves, does he/she really love me? Is he/she really in love with me? Am I in love with him/her? Do I really love him/her? These are questions of the heart and only you know the answer. However, there are indicators to help us understand the answer to our question of being in love and knowing when someone is in love with us.
When there is a question, there is undoubtedly an answer. It may not be the answer we are looking for, but there is an answer. The key to receiving the answer is being able to accept the truth. Sometimes we don’t want to know the truth because it hurts. It hurts because we want things our way, just like we dreamed it up. Unfortunately, life cannot always be the dream that we want it to be. Sometimes, maybe most of the time for most of us, life is not the dream we want at all, not anything close to it. It’s important to understand that love does not love anyone, it just loves love. This is why it is so easy to fall in love and so difficult to stay in love. Love is! And that is it. The Bible says that there is no greater love than this, than a man lay down his life for his friend (John chapter 15 verse 13). If this is an indicator of someone being in love then we must be able to answer the question: “Would I die for him/her?” and “would he/she die for me?”
Often in relationships people neglect to embrace the truth of who they are and therefore cannot understand themselves enough to answer questions of love. For example, I have often asked this question of someone whom I was very interested in, “What did you not know about the person you just broke up with that you learned later in the relationship?” If a person is really truthful about this, they would say exactly what they learned down the road that they did not know in the beginning of the relationship. Often it is these things we find out later about a person that makes us change our mind about being with them. The response I typically get is, “I cannot answer that question.” Or “I have to think about that?” This indicates that there is nothing that they did not know from the beginning. The next question I typically ask is even more provocative and to the point, “Did you pay attention to what you knew about the person or did you think you could change them or they would change later on in the relationship?” The answer for this one is always, “I just thought things would change.” The point here is if you are honest with yourself and the person you are interested in, and truly pay attention to who you are and what you are about, you would not allow yourself to get into relationships where you had to change something about someone or wait for them to change something about themselves. This goes to that old cliché “Be true to yourself.” This is not to say that people don’t change, rather the change should be for the better, not the worse.
You see, answering the above questions honestly will give you power to embrace the truth about you. When you know the truth about you, it will allow you to deal with others with more honesty and truth as well. Now here is the touchy part, can you ask this question of someone you are in love with and accept their answer? When you make up your mind that you are in love with someone, does that mean that they must be in love with you? If so, then you are not really in love, you are in need of a hug. You cannot force anyone to be in love with you. This is what makes many marriages fail, people try to force each other to be in love and it ends up destroying the relationship. Being in love is something that must be voluntary. Some of the books on the subject of relationships and finding someone to fall in love with and have them fall in love with you are nothing more than a cookbook for a bad relationship. The famed game of love is just that, a game. You should take note, that as in all games, there are winners and losers. However, you should also know that “Love” is not a game, it is a life style and you need to be able to commit to that life style like a religion, with your mate, and like wise your mate must be able to commit to you in the same way.
How
There is nothing more to knowing if that man or that woman is in love with you or if you are in love with them. There is no secret, there is no game, there is only the truth. The truth is being willing to die for that person and that person being willing to die for you. In a since that is what marriage is all about: “Two people dying as individuals and becoming a new person together. Working together, pulling together, pushing together and being in love together for ever.”
Now the term “die” does not mean that you will actually go through with it at some point and end your life. God willing both of you will live a long time and be happy together. However, it does mean that when it comes to satisfying each other and making each other happy that you would put your inhibitions aside (kill your fears and worries) and do what is necessary to make your mate happy and like wise your mate must be able to do the same for you. If there is no reciprocity, then there is no love. Reciprocity does not mean a quid pro quo. In other words, never get into a situation where you only will do what your mate will do for you. This is not love. Sometimes you will give more then your mate and other times your mate will give more than you. This is how it will always be. There is no such thing as 50/50 love. Forget that Teddy Pendergrass song from back in the day, it only sounds good. When you find yourself giving more than your mate, just remember, this is the person you are in love with and this person is in love with you. The Bible says that “charity covers a multitude of sins” (I Peter Chapter 4 Verse 8 KJV). The definition of “charity” is: lenient judgment of others. You must be willing and able to have lenient judgment of the person you are in love with. Be willing to grow with your mate through communication when mistakes are made. This is an on going thing, it never ends as long as you both live.
Why
The Bible explains the greatest thing is charity: “And now abide faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity (I Corinthians Chapter 13 verse 13 KJV).” It also says “And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. (I Corinthians Chapter 13 verse 2 KJV)” When you consider what charity brings to a relationship, if you cannot show charity between each other, but everything else is simply wonderful, your relationship really is nothing.
Last, but not least, a clear indicator of someone being in love with you is when they can keep other people out of your personal relationship with them. Your friends and family may mean well, but you are not in love with them and they apparently cannot be in love with you like your mate. Otherwise, why do you even need to be with your mate? Keep your friends and family, but keep them out of your relationship when it comes to making yourself and your mate happy. A good Bible scripture for this is Mathew Chapter 6 verses 3 and 4: “But when you do a charitable deed, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, that your charitable deed may be in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will Himself reward you openly.”
Everyone does not need to be a mentor or counselor in your relationship with your mate. Learn how to keep most intimate things between you and your mate to yourself. I am not talking about abusive things, just personal things that should only be between you two.
You can tell when someone is in love with you when they are willing to consistently show charity and demonstrate unselfishness toward you and your needs. This does not mean that you should take kindness for weakness. This would be a big mistake. Often people show charity and love for their mate, but the mate takes it for granted and begins simply ignoring the truth of true love. Love just loves love and if love does not receive love back, then it will soon find another love. This again is a form of being able to die for them and they should reciprocate willing to die for you (die in the sense of putting there own selfishness aside to make you happy and you being able to do the same for them) with cheerfulness.
“Pastor Ethan” is a character based on Author, Nevada York from her novel, Mahogany’s Revelation. “Pastor Ethan” resides in the Bay Area of California. http://nevadayork.com/
10 Crucial and Surprising Steps to Build Trust in a Relationship
1. Be predictable. When do seeds of suspicion emerge? When one begins to think, What's up? Why is he doing that? He's never done that before. That is so unlike him. He loses 30 pounds, buys a new wardrobe and comes home late from work. He changes his patterns. His behavior becomes unpredictable. You get the picture? Any movement away from predictable behavior can become suspect and trust can deteriorate. Focus on acting predictably if you need to build trust. Be consistent in what you do. This doesn't mean you must be boring. If there is a twinkle in your eye and a dose of spontaneity every so often, for goodness sakes be spontaneous and fun loving. But, be spontaneous consistently! Be true to who you have always been and be that consistently, whoever you tend to be!
2. Inform your significant other when you become "unpredictable." No one goes through life the same person. We all make shifts and changes. Frankly sometimes we may be fairly clueless about what is happening and where we are going. Those times may be very intense and we do some silly things or make some downright dumb decisions. Life can get very squirrelly and unpredictable. (I have a favorite phrase: Gold is refined through intense heat.) Growth in an individual, marriage or family often is accompanied by a little chaos. Welcome these shifts, for there is a part of you searching for something better/different/richer/deeper, but for heaven's sake, inform your partner of what you are experiencing. Say, "I really don't know what is going on in me right now, but I'm moving in a different direction. Be a little patient with me while I figure this out. I might do some silly things, but my intent is not to harm you or scare you. Accept some of my wondering and wandering and please be there for me? I may need to run some of this by you every so often!"
3. Make sure your words match the message. Mean what you say and say what you mean. When your partner hears one thing in your words but your tone of voice, body language and facial expressions are really saying something else, you open the relationship to some crazy making days. Which message is she to believe? This can waste a tremendous amount of energy and she learns not to trust part of what you are saying. Here's a very simple but common example. You are getting ready to go to a formal dinner. Your wife comes to you and says, "How do I look?" (And she's wearing a dress you don't particularly like and her hair is pulled back in a way that turns you off.) Not to spoil the evening you enthusiastically say, "You look great." You don't really mean it and a part of her knows you really don't mean it. But, you leave it at that. This might not seem like a big deal - we all have done something similar - but if trust is shaky to begin with, it is even shakier now. Here's how to match the words with the nonverbal: "I think you are a beautiful person. I want you to know that. I love you dearly and it will be wonderful to have you by my side tonight. Others will see your beauty. (As you say this, you look into her eyes as you put your hands around her waist.) She's not concerned so much with how she looks but is expressing a need for affirmation. She's not talking about her dress or hair, but about wanting to know the evening is going to go just fine. You respond to the real message. You can take this one step further, if you like. At some point you might bring up her need for affirmation and talk about that. Ask her is there is anything you can say or do so that need is met. Trust is awareness of the intent beneath the obvious message and responding to that!
4. Believe the other person is competent. I hear this phrase very often: "But, I don't want to hurt him." A couple things are at play here. First, she may not have the skill of confronting the other with the truth in a way that brings reconciliation and understanding. She believes truth telling is destructive or entails some sort of drama. Neither is true. The truth is never destructive and can be conveyed in loving ways. (With that said, what we believe to be the truth may indeed be a distorted perception that fits our personal needs.) Or, she may see the other person as a wimp; someone she believes cannot handle rigorous personal confrontation. She doesn't trust that the other person has the internal strength or stamina or skills to be in a relationship of mutual respect and equality. The other person picks up on this mistrust and does what he does (feigns inadequacy and incompetence) to avoid the personal confrontation as well. A dance is acted out. Believe and know in your heart that the other person, somewhere and somehow, beneath the games, has the internal strength and capacity to handle anything. Such trust builds trust in the other person and begins to pervade the relationship. "Hey, she thinks I can handle this! Hmmmm, this is mighty good! I CAN engage her and be truly intimate!"
5. Be very very careful of keeping secrets. If he knows there is an elephant in the room and doesn't talk about it, the elephant takes up tremendous space in the relationship. It takes energy for him to walk around it. She may not see the elephant but knows he is bending his neck to look around something. She will be curious, mildly disturbed, have feelings but no words to wrap around them, might wonder if something is wrong with her or struggle with trusting her intuition (her intuition KNOWS an elephant is there.) And, when we can't trust the messages that come from within us, we find it very difficult to trust the messages of the other person. Secrets demand tremendous energy and erode trust. The relationship is doomed never to experience wall-banging intimacy. This is why extramarital affairs are so damaging. She is not so much concerned about him having sex with someone else as she is about the betrayal, lack of trust, the secrets and deception that are crazy making and energy draining. Now, please. I'm not saying that you sit your partner down and divulge the 23 secrets of your illicit past behaviors. If you have resolved those, i.e. forgiven yourself, understand those behaviors, learned from them and were able to use them to make the internal shifts necessary for your personal development, they do not qualify as an elephant. Hopefully, in the course of growing intimacy in your relationship you may want to share some of those events as you disclose to your partner where you were and where you are now. You do so without emotional charge. However, if a secret takes up room, i.e. still has an emotional charge and holds you back from disclosing more and more of yourself in the growing stages of intimacy, you have a problem that needs to be addressed with your partner.
6. Let YOUR needs be known - loudly. Be a little - no, be a lot - self-centered. (Be self-centered, but not selfish!) Here's a problem I run into almost every day. He is backing away (perhaps attached to work, another person, etc.). She feels the trust and intimacy eroding, is scared and wants to "win him back." So she begins an all out effort to "work on the marriage." She invites him to do so as well. He may reluctantly agree. She blasts full throttle ahead trying to "be nice" and meet every need he ever said he had. She's going to "fill his tank with goodies." Doesn't work. Her eyes are riveted on him. He feels "smothered" or maybe even resentful: "Why is she doing this NOW!" She's hopeful, but eventually that turns to resentment. Her underlying motive - if I meet his needs, he will feel good and meet mine - just doesn't work. It's perceived as manipulation, which it is. Of course, he doesn't say anything. After all, how do you get angry with someone who is so "nice and caring?" Trust disintegrates under a blanket of quiet niceties. Start with your eyes focused on YOU. What do YOU need? Explore your personal need system. Dig beneath the surface. And then say to him: "I need…x, y and z. I would like to talk to you about them. I would like us to work out a way so my needs are met. Are you open to that?" He is empowered to say yes or no. Or, he may say, "What about my needs?" You respond, "I am very interested in hearing what is important to you, certainly." Have you ever been around someone who stated clearly what they needed/wanted? Didn't you respect that person? Because you knew where he stood, and therefore where you stood, didn't that interaction move toward a trusting relationship?
7. State who YOU are - loudly. It is very sad to see those in relationships of emotional investment hold back from letting the other person know who they really are. You build trust in a relationship by entrusting your SELF to the other person. This sounds easy but I find it difficult for most to pull off. Most of us have a difficult time declaring our SELF. For one thing, if you're like most of us, you haven't given much thought to what it is that makes YOU truly YOU. Don't you feel like you glide through life on autopilot, focusing on tasks, goals, accomplishments, problems and the external realities? Don't you tend to focus on those things out there or that person out there? You're concerned about what he is thinking, how he is responding to you, whether he likes you, whether he will be an obstacle and where he will fit in your life? Your conversations may be pleasant but fairly superficial and bluntly, boringly inane. You converse about things/relationships/events out there. You are reluctant to share your thoughts, values, and impressions or take a stand. This doesn't destroy trust. But it doesn't create it either. And, if you do take a stand it may serve the purpose of protecting you or entrenching you as you react against someone. This more often than not creates trust barriers. Take some time to reflect on your standards. What are your standards for a relationship? What standards do you hold for yourself? What do you order your life around? What are the 4 top values in your life? What are some themes that you live by? What are you known for? And then…begin letting significant people in your life know. They will respect you. They will know you more deeply. They will thank you for the opportunity to know you. They will see you as a person of character. They will trust you. They can count on you. They know exactly what is behind and within you.
8. Learn to say NO! Sometimes you need to say NO! Often it is crucial to say NO! Saying NO sets boundaries around you that protects you from being hurt or venturing into territory that will be destructive to your heart and soul. You draw a line. You stop tolerating that which drains energy and makes you less than YOU. You refuse to allow the destructive behaviors of others to destroy you. You build a moat around the core of your life. You do this by informing the other person of what they are doing. You request they stop. If they don't stop, you demand they stop. If they don't stop you walk away without a snide remark, eye-roll or comment. To some this seems harsh, but saying NO is RESPECTED. Fear is the basis of mistrust. If you fear that someone will hurt you and believe you have no recourse but to endure that hurt, fear will prevail. How can you trust when you are in fear? Saying NO, protecting yourself, sends a message to the other person that you will not live in fear. This usually triggers a response of respect from the other person. After all, if you can protect yourself and refuse subjugation to that which is destructive, will not the other person come to trust you and see you as a person who just might protect him/her from harm as well?
9. Charge Neutral. When your significant other expresses something powerfully, charge neutral. Most of us are afraid of strong feelings or points of contention in a relationship. I commonly hear people respond by defending themselves (to a perceived attack), explaining themselves, counter-attacking, shutting down, or walking away. Of course, the relationship remains stuck in this quagmire of mistrust and fear. Rather than reacting and having your feelings flowing all over the place or shutting down, practice charging neutral. Communicate calmness, not only in your tone of voice but also in how you carry your body. Don't speak with a charge to your voice. Control your voice! Say what you must say, state the truth and do it directly and calmly. You can do this, once you master your fears. It will dramatically change the flow of the relationship. You will be able to point out something big, without making a big deal out of it. You will be in control of you. This not only feels great, but your partner trusts that you won't fly or fall apart. You will experience your personal power. This makes you very attractive. Don't people really trust someone who knows their personal power and how to use it for the welfare of themselves and others? Your partner will love the fact that she can trust you consistently to operate from your "quiet center," remain engaged, not back down and speak the truth with conviction and calmness.
10. Dig into the dirt. Relationships of emotional investment, by their nature, bring trials, tribulations, fears, chaos, turmoil, change, stretching and growth. They become the grist from which your life is shaped and formed. Be fearless when faced with turmoil, upset, crisis, questions, and fears. When the time is right, seek them out. Move toward the frightening unknown. Dig into the dirt of your relationship and uncover the treasures. Do you really TRUST that this can happen? The purpose of your relationship is not to make you happy. Do you realize this? Happiness may be an outcome, but your other is given to you to move you to where you really want to be. Obstacles, trials and moments of pain are given as lessons on which you intentionally write the script of your life individually and together. Embrace the difficult. Trust that in this embracing you will find more of your true self. Trust that you are given the resources and capacity to face what you and your significant other are to face. Once you are able to believe and trust these ultimate purposes, trusting your significant other will be that much more easy.
Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/
2. Inform your significant other when you become "unpredictable." No one goes through life the same person. We all make shifts and changes. Frankly sometimes we may be fairly clueless about what is happening and where we are going. Those times may be very intense and we do some silly things or make some downright dumb decisions. Life can get very squirrelly and unpredictable. (I have a favorite phrase: Gold is refined through intense heat.) Growth in an individual, marriage or family often is accompanied by a little chaos. Welcome these shifts, for there is a part of you searching for something better/different/richer/deeper, but for heaven's sake, inform your partner of what you are experiencing. Say, "I really don't know what is going on in me right now, but I'm moving in a different direction. Be a little patient with me while I figure this out. I might do some silly things, but my intent is not to harm you or scare you. Accept some of my wondering and wandering and please be there for me? I may need to run some of this by you every so often!"
3. Make sure your words match the message. Mean what you say and say what you mean. When your partner hears one thing in your words but your tone of voice, body language and facial expressions are really saying something else, you open the relationship to some crazy making days. Which message is she to believe? This can waste a tremendous amount of energy and she learns not to trust part of what you are saying. Here's a very simple but common example. You are getting ready to go to a formal dinner. Your wife comes to you and says, "How do I look?" (And she's wearing a dress you don't particularly like and her hair is pulled back in a way that turns you off.) Not to spoil the evening you enthusiastically say, "You look great." You don't really mean it and a part of her knows you really don't mean it. But, you leave it at that. This might not seem like a big deal - we all have done something similar - but if trust is shaky to begin with, it is even shakier now. Here's how to match the words with the nonverbal: "I think you are a beautiful person. I want you to know that. I love you dearly and it will be wonderful to have you by my side tonight. Others will see your beauty. (As you say this, you look into her eyes as you put your hands around her waist.) She's not concerned so much with how she looks but is expressing a need for affirmation. She's not talking about her dress or hair, but about wanting to know the evening is going to go just fine. You respond to the real message. You can take this one step further, if you like. At some point you might bring up her need for affirmation and talk about that. Ask her is there is anything you can say or do so that need is met. Trust is awareness of the intent beneath the obvious message and responding to that!
4. Believe the other person is competent. I hear this phrase very often: "But, I don't want to hurt him." A couple things are at play here. First, she may not have the skill of confronting the other with the truth in a way that brings reconciliation and understanding. She believes truth telling is destructive or entails some sort of drama. Neither is true. The truth is never destructive and can be conveyed in loving ways. (With that said, what we believe to be the truth may indeed be a distorted perception that fits our personal needs.) Or, she may see the other person as a wimp; someone she believes cannot handle rigorous personal confrontation. She doesn't trust that the other person has the internal strength or stamina or skills to be in a relationship of mutual respect and equality. The other person picks up on this mistrust and does what he does (feigns inadequacy and incompetence) to avoid the personal confrontation as well. A dance is acted out. Believe and know in your heart that the other person, somewhere and somehow, beneath the games, has the internal strength and capacity to handle anything. Such trust builds trust in the other person and begins to pervade the relationship. "Hey, she thinks I can handle this! Hmmmm, this is mighty good! I CAN engage her and be truly intimate!"
5. Be very very careful of keeping secrets. If he knows there is an elephant in the room and doesn't talk about it, the elephant takes up tremendous space in the relationship. It takes energy for him to walk around it. She may not see the elephant but knows he is bending his neck to look around something. She will be curious, mildly disturbed, have feelings but no words to wrap around them, might wonder if something is wrong with her or struggle with trusting her intuition (her intuition KNOWS an elephant is there.) And, when we can't trust the messages that come from within us, we find it very difficult to trust the messages of the other person. Secrets demand tremendous energy and erode trust. The relationship is doomed never to experience wall-banging intimacy. This is why extramarital affairs are so damaging. She is not so much concerned about him having sex with someone else as she is about the betrayal, lack of trust, the secrets and deception that are crazy making and energy draining. Now, please. I'm not saying that you sit your partner down and divulge the 23 secrets of your illicit past behaviors. If you have resolved those, i.e. forgiven yourself, understand those behaviors, learned from them and were able to use them to make the internal shifts necessary for your personal development, they do not qualify as an elephant. Hopefully, in the course of growing intimacy in your relationship you may want to share some of those events as you disclose to your partner where you were and where you are now. You do so without emotional charge. However, if a secret takes up room, i.e. still has an emotional charge and holds you back from disclosing more and more of yourself in the growing stages of intimacy, you have a problem that needs to be addressed with your partner.
6. Let YOUR needs be known - loudly. Be a little - no, be a lot - self-centered. (Be self-centered, but not selfish!) Here's a problem I run into almost every day. He is backing away (perhaps attached to work, another person, etc.). She feels the trust and intimacy eroding, is scared and wants to "win him back." So she begins an all out effort to "work on the marriage." She invites him to do so as well. He may reluctantly agree. She blasts full throttle ahead trying to "be nice" and meet every need he ever said he had. She's going to "fill his tank with goodies." Doesn't work. Her eyes are riveted on him. He feels "smothered" or maybe even resentful: "Why is she doing this NOW!" She's hopeful, but eventually that turns to resentment. Her underlying motive - if I meet his needs, he will feel good and meet mine - just doesn't work. It's perceived as manipulation, which it is. Of course, he doesn't say anything. After all, how do you get angry with someone who is so "nice and caring?" Trust disintegrates under a blanket of quiet niceties. Start with your eyes focused on YOU. What do YOU need? Explore your personal need system. Dig beneath the surface. And then say to him: "I need…x, y and z. I would like to talk to you about them. I would like us to work out a way so my needs are met. Are you open to that?" He is empowered to say yes or no. Or, he may say, "What about my needs?" You respond, "I am very interested in hearing what is important to you, certainly." Have you ever been around someone who stated clearly what they needed/wanted? Didn't you respect that person? Because you knew where he stood, and therefore where you stood, didn't that interaction move toward a trusting relationship?
7. State who YOU are - loudly. It is very sad to see those in relationships of emotional investment hold back from letting the other person know who they really are. You build trust in a relationship by entrusting your SELF to the other person. This sounds easy but I find it difficult for most to pull off. Most of us have a difficult time declaring our SELF. For one thing, if you're like most of us, you haven't given much thought to what it is that makes YOU truly YOU. Don't you feel like you glide through life on autopilot, focusing on tasks, goals, accomplishments, problems and the external realities? Don't you tend to focus on those things out there or that person out there? You're concerned about what he is thinking, how he is responding to you, whether he likes you, whether he will be an obstacle and where he will fit in your life? Your conversations may be pleasant but fairly superficial and bluntly, boringly inane. You converse about things/relationships/events out there. You are reluctant to share your thoughts, values, and impressions or take a stand. This doesn't destroy trust. But it doesn't create it either. And, if you do take a stand it may serve the purpose of protecting you or entrenching you as you react against someone. This more often than not creates trust barriers. Take some time to reflect on your standards. What are your standards for a relationship? What standards do you hold for yourself? What do you order your life around? What are the 4 top values in your life? What are some themes that you live by? What are you known for? And then…begin letting significant people in your life know. They will respect you. They will know you more deeply. They will thank you for the opportunity to know you. They will see you as a person of character. They will trust you. They can count on you. They know exactly what is behind and within you.
8. Learn to say NO! Sometimes you need to say NO! Often it is crucial to say NO! Saying NO sets boundaries around you that protects you from being hurt or venturing into territory that will be destructive to your heart and soul. You draw a line. You stop tolerating that which drains energy and makes you less than YOU. You refuse to allow the destructive behaviors of others to destroy you. You build a moat around the core of your life. You do this by informing the other person of what they are doing. You request they stop. If they don't stop, you demand they stop. If they don't stop you walk away without a snide remark, eye-roll or comment. To some this seems harsh, but saying NO is RESPECTED. Fear is the basis of mistrust. If you fear that someone will hurt you and believe you have no recourse but to endure that hurt, fear will prevail. How can you trust when you are in fear? Saying NO, protecting yourself, sends a message to the other person that you will not live in fear. This usually triggers a response of respect from the other person. After all, if you can protect yourself and refuse subjugation to that which is destructive, will not the other person come to trust you and see you as a person who just might protect him/her from harm as well?
9. Charge Neutral. When your significant other expresses something powerfully, charge neutral. Most of us are afraid of strong feelings or points of contention in a relationship. I commonly hear people respond by defending themselves (to a perceived attack), explaining themselves, counter-attacking, shutting down, or walking away. Of course, the relationship remains stuck in this quagmire of mistrust and fear. Rather than reacting and having your feelings flowing all over the place or shutting down, practice charging neutral. Communicate calmness, not only in your tone of voice but also in how you carry your body. Don't speak with a charge to your voice. Control your voice! Say what you must say, state the truth and do it directly and calmly. You can do this, once you master your fears. It will dramatically change the flow of the relationship. You will be able to point out something big, without making a big deal out of it. You will be in control of you. This not only feels great, but your partner trusts that you won't fly or fall apart. You will experience your personal power. This makes you very attractive. Don't people really trust someone who knows their personal power and how to use it for the welfare of themselves and others? Your partner will love the fact that she can trust you consistently to operate from your "quiet center," remain engaged, not back down and speak the truth with conviction and calmness.
10. Dig into the dirt. Relationships of emotional investment, by their nature, bring trials, tribulations, fears, chaos, turmoil, change, stretching and growth. They become the grist from which your life is shaped and formed. Be fearless when faced with turmoil, upset, crisis, questions, and fears. When the time is right, seek them out. Move toward the frightening unknown. Dig into the dirt of your relationship and uncover the treasures. Do you really TRUST that this can happen? The purpose of your relationship is not to make you happy. Do you realize this? Happiness may be an outcome, but your other is given to you to move you to where you really want to be. Obstacles, trials and moments of pain are given as lessons on which you intentionally write the script of your life individually and together. Embrace the difficult. Trust that in this embracing you will find more of your true self. Trust that you are given the resources and capacity to face what you and your significant other are to face. Once you are able to believe and trust these ultimate purposes, trusting your significant other will be that much more easy.
Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/
Creating Intimacy in Your Relationships
How do you know whether you have true intimacy with your partner? Let me first give you my definition of intimacy. Most people tend to connect intimacy only with sex.
Intimacy is when two people create an environment where there is a true heart to heart connection. Their Souls seem to almost merge into one being. They feel a sense of peace, harmony, balance and unconditional love for their partner and when they are in their partner’s presence. There is no battle of ego’s, no need to win, manipulate or control. There is an inner awareness that all is well with the world. That ‘I am where I am supposed to be and I am now with the person I am destined to spend my life with.’ Intimacy is not just a feeling, nor is it just knowing. It is a divine connection with another person. It is a spiritual connectedness.
Intimate relationships can be between a man and a woman. Two people of the same sex. Two friends. Siblings. It can also be present in a relationship of a large group. On several occasions during my long speaking career I have had the pleasure of having a truly intimate relationship with my audience as a whole. We connected and flowed. It wasn’t about me, my material or them. It was about something bigger than all of us. When many people think of intimacy, they tend to think only of sexual intimacy. Although sex between two people who have achieved a high level of intimacy can be a wonderful experience. I am not referring to sex as a form of intimacy.
Let’s take a brief look at a few of the issues that prevent true intimacy in a relationship this will help you determine where you can take corrective actions or develop new behaviors so you can experience a greater sense of intimacy in your relationships.
1. A lack of trust, respect or acceptance of the other person.
2. The fear of rejection.
3. A fear of letting yourself be who you really are.
4. A lack of self-love and or self-acceptance.
5. Letting your ego control your feelings, emotions and or attitudes.
6. An un-safe relationship.
7. Old emotional baggage on either person’s part.
8. A lack of self-trust.
9. Needing to protect yourself from invalidation by the other person.
10. Suppressed emotions like anger, frustration, blame or guilt.
11. When one or both people are under a great deal of stress.
12. When there is an emotional disconnect between one or both partners.
Intimacy is generally one of the first things to leave a relationship that is in trouble. It is close on the heels of trust, respect and acceptance. Can intimacy be re-kindled once it has been lost or is leaving a relationship? I am sure that there are many people who have been able to regain this valuable state in a once troubled relationship. However, generally speaking once a person goes over the edge or the line between intimacy and no intimacy generally I believe that it is next to impossible to re-capture these feelings and emotions.
Tim Connor, CSP is an internationally renowned sales, relationship, management and leadership speaker, trainer and best selling author. Since 1981 he has given over 3500 presentations in 21 countries on a variety of sales, management and relationship topics. He is the best selling author of over 60 books including; He can be reached at tim@timconnor.com, 704-895-1230 or visit his website at http://www.timconnor.com/.
Intimacy is when two people create an environment where there is a true heart to heart connection. Their Souls seem to almost merge into one being. They feel a sense of peace, harmony, balance and unconditional love for their partner and when they are in their partner’s presence. There is no battle of ego’s, no need to win, manipulate or control. There is an inner awareness that all is well with the world. That ‘I am where I am supposed to be and I am now with the person I am destined to spend my life with.’ Intimacy is not just a feeling, nor is it just knowing. It is a divine connection with another person. It is a spiritual connectedness.
Intimate relationships can be between a man and a woman. Two people of the same sex. Two friends. Siblings. It can also be present in a relationship of a large group. On several occasions during my long speaking career I have had the pleasure of having a truly intimate relationship with my audience as a whole. We connected and flowed. It wasn’t about me, my material or them. It was about something bigger than all of us. When many people think of intimacy, they tend to think only of sexual intimacy. Although sex between two people who have achieved a high level of intimacy can be a wonderful experience. I am not referring to sex as a form of intimacy.
Let’s take a brief look at a few of the issues that prevent true intimacy in a relationship this will help you determine where you can take corrective actions or develop new behaviors so you can experience a greater sense of intimacy in your relationships.
1. A lack of trust, respect or acceptance of the other person.
2. The fear of rejection.
3. A fear of letting yourself be who you really are.
4. A lack of self-love and or self-acceptance.
5. Letting your ego control your feelings, emotions and or attitudes.
6. An un-safe relationship.
7. Old emotional baggage on either person’s part.
8. A lack of self-trust.
9. Needing to protect yourself from invalidation by the other person.
10. Suppressed emotions like anger, frustration, blame or guilt.
11. When one or both people are under a great deal of stress.
12. When there is an emotional disconnect between one or both partners.
Intimacy is generally one of the first things to leave a relationship that is in trouble. It is close on the heels of trust, respect and acceptance. Can intimacy be re-kindled once it has been lost or is leaving a relationship? I am sure that there are many people who have been able to regain this valuable state in a once troubled relationship. However, generally speaking once a person goes over the edge or the line between intimacy and no intimacy generally I believe that it is next to impossible to re-capture these feelings and emotions.
Tim Connor, CSP is an internationally renowned sales, relationship, management and leadership speaker, trainer and best selling author. Since 1981 he has given over 3500 presentations in 21 countries on a variety of sales, management and relationship topics. He is the best selling author of over 60 books including; He can be reached at tim@timconnor.com, 704-895-1230 or visit his website at http://www.timconnor.com/.
What is Love? How Do You Know If You Have Found The Right Person?
What is love? Is it something you can feel? How do people know if they have found the person they could spend the rest of their lives with? It would be easier to know if we've found this person if we could know what love is.
Initially when we meet someone we like there is probably something physical attracting us. We may feel attracted. Then if all goes well - you go out, have a good time, and find you want to spend more time with one another - you may begin to have more feelings for one another. But is this love? Time is the answer to all of these questions and the tester of the relationship.
Keep sex out of the mix. When sex becomes part of the equation things become confusing fairly quickly. Sex is a strong and powerful gift that should only be used in marriage to become more intimate - more intimate than you could without it. Outside of marriage it only serves to destroy any chance of truly knowing if you have love for someone or, if they have love for you.
If your relationship is based on sex you are on an unstable foundation. If your feelings change so will your desire to have sex, so will your so called feelings of love with this person and, the same is true for them. Sex only works if love is the foundation of a marriage relationship.
Feelings change and this makes it an unstable foundation for a relationship as well. A lot of times feelings change when the bliss of sex has worn off or, the things you can't stand about the other person surfaces with more frequency. Sex will cause you to look past the things you can’t really live with in another person. And when sex fails to work for you, all you have left are all those things that irritate you about your partner.
So what is love? If you can keep sex from coming into the picture the time you spend together can help you find out if you can love the person you're seeing. You will learn what their values are. You will learn what makes them tick and what drives them. You will find out if you could love them through the time you spend together.
What are the interests you share? What things are you passionate about together? Are there things that get on your nerves - drive you crazy? Can you live with those things? Are you driven by the same things they are driven by? Do all these interests that you both share cause you to draw closer or, do they make you want to spend less time together? If after you have seen all there is to see in a person and you are still drawn then you are ready - Ready for what? -To make a decision.
Love is not a feeling or an attraction. It is a decision. In all the things you learn about one another you must weigh whether or not you can live with those things. Are the traits in this person the traits you are looking for in a mate? Do their flaws turn you off to the point that you will choose not to love at some point? Is there enough in them that you like and admire for you to make a decision to love them for the rest of your life? See, love is a verb. It is an action word. It is something you decide to do. It is something you make a commitment to do in good times and bad. In other words you are deciding after everything that you have seen that you can still love the person inside.
From the bible here is a description of love:
(4)Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud (5) or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. (6)It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. (7)Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (8)Love will last forever..(1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
On line dating and free relationship advice - is a web site discussing various methods of on line dating and finding, judging, and using free relationship advice. Also reviews of many on line dating sites.
Initially when we meet someone we like there is probably something physical attracting us. We may feel attracted. Then if all goes well - you go out, have a good time, and find you want to spend more time with one another - you may begin to have more feelings for one another. But is this love? Time is the answer to all of these questions and the tester of the relationship.
Keep sex out of the mix. When sex becomes part of the equation things become confusing fairly quickly. Sex is a strong and powerful gift that should only be used in marriage to become more intimate - more intimate than you could without it. Outside of marriage it only serves to destroy any chance of truly knowing if you have love for someone or, if they have love for you.
If your relationship is based on sex you are on an unstable foundation. If your feelings change so will your desire to have sex, so will your so called feelings of love with this person and, the same is true for them. Sex only works if love is the foundation of a marriage relationship.
Feelings change and this makes it an unstable foundation for a relationship as well. A lot of times feelings change when the bliss of sex has worn off or, the things you can't stand about the other person surfaces with more frequency. Sex will cause you to look past the things you can’t really live with in another person. And when sex fails to work for you, all you have left are all those things that irritate you about your partner.
So what is love? If you can keep sex from coming into the picture the time you spend together can help you find out if you can love the person you're seeing. You will learn what their values are. You will learn what makes them tick and what drives them. You will find out if you could love them through the time you spend together.
What are the interests you share? What things are you passionate about together? Are there things that get on your nerves - drive you crazy? Can you live with those things? Are you driven by the same things they are driven by? Do all these interests that you both share cause you to draw closer or, do they make you want to spend less time together? If after you have seen all there is to see in a person and you are still drawn then you are ready - Ready for what? -To make a decision.
Love is not a feeling or an attraction. It is a decision. In all the things you learn about one another you must weigh whether or not you can live with those things. Are the traits in this person the traits you are looking for in a mate? Do their flaws turn you off to the point that you will choose not to love at some point? Is there enough in them that you like and admire for you to make a decision to love them for the rest of your life? See, love is a verb. It is an action word. It is something you decide to do. It is something you make a commitment to do in good times and bad. In other words you are deciding after everything that you have seen that you can still love the person inside.
From the bible here is a description of love:
(4)Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud (5) or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. (6)It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. (7)Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (8)Love will last forever..(1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
On line dating and free relationship advice - is a web site discussing various methods of on line dating and finding, judging, and using free relationship advice. Also reviews of many on line dating sites.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
How To Catch Him and Keep Him - Dating Advice For Women
Hey ladies – ever been dumped, had your heart broken or other wise been tramped upon by a man? Of course you have – we all have. And we are ALL looking for something just a little bit better (ok, maybe a WHOLE LOT better!) than what we just left. But how can we keep history from repeating itself? How can we start meeting quality men, and then after meeting them, hook them and reel them in for the trophy shot? Well, I have some tips to share with you on that, so put your ears on….
Tired of the Bars and Clubs scene to meet the guys? Me too. So let’s expand our view for a moment and think outside the box. Here are some great places to meet guys that do not include loud obnoxious drunks, broken ear drums, and the typical pawing Charlie.
1. Co-Ed sports leagues and fitness clubs! Guys love sports, we know that, and they will totally dig a chick that loves sports too. Or better yet – how about a part time JOB at the local club? 2. Shoot pool! (Ok, this may include the obnoxious drunk, so be prepared) 3. Laundromats! Do your laundry on a Friday night or Saturday, it’s a great ice-breaker, and remember, no granny- panties! 4. Go back to school! Check out the classes that the GUYS usually take like engineering, auto mechanics, etc. If you don’t want to join, volunteer to be a class aid. 5. Get a dog and start walking in the park – and bring a Frisbee! 6. Go online! There are all kinds of places you can get a free profile (check out http://www.wheretogetthescoop.com for 10 online dating sites that offer free profiles) 7. Crash a wedding 8. Go to graduations at the local college 9. Attend sporting events and football parties at BW3s or your local sports club (goes along w/#1) 10. Home Depot or your local Lowes – troll the isles, pretend to need help, or attend a free class on how to tile your bathroom floor!
Ok – so you have met him (finally, right?). Now what? Here is where most of us seem to need the help. One of the most important things a woman can do in a relationship to end it right then and there is to “lose her cool”. And I am not talking about just flipping out and telling him what a worthless turd he is for forgetting your anniversary. I mean the “needy Nancy” and the “paranoid Patty” and the “Longing Lucy” or “Clingy Caroline”. Let’s go over just a couple tips.
Guys want someone who is cucumber cool when they want cool, and tamale hot when they want it hot. The trick is knowing which one they want at which time, right? Exactly. One of the keys to this is following his cues and his body language, and making sure that he understands what you are wanting, looking for and needing, and that YOU understand the same from him. Never – ever – assume that just because you think you have a relationship, that you do. Let’s face it ladies, guys are clueless and we need to accept this. Follow his cues and understand his needs, and give him the space he needs when he needs it. But make sure that YOU get space too, even if you don’t think you need it!
Next – (you’ll like this one) do NOT give him everything he wants!! Don’t be a pushover! And by this I do not mean to try to run the relationship like a Nazi. I just mean to – be unavailable sometimes, hold that proverbial “carrot” out there over his head just a little out of reach. If you start out giving him everything he wants, you will have to either a) keep it up or b) end it at some point and he will wonder where his wonderful little slave went. Don’t start it!
Ok, that being said, there is a lot more advice out there for women that is geared specifically toward women. Women need dating advice! There is a guy out there named Christian Carter who has developed and entire program based specifically on dating advice for women, as well as relationship advice once you are in it. Christian Carter offers free newsletters, too, so you do not have to pay for some killer dating advice.
http://www.youcangettheguy.com/.
Tired of the Bars and Clubs scene to meet the guys? Me too. So let’s expand our view for a moment and think outside the box. Here are some great places to meet guys that do not include loud obnoxious drunks, broken ear drums, and the typical pawing Charlie.
1. Co-Ed sports leagues and fitness clubs! Guys love sports, we know that, and they will totally dig a chick that loves sports too. Or better yet – how about a part time JOB at the local club? 2. Shoot pool! (Ok, this may include the obnoxious drunk, so be prepared) 3. Laundromats! Do your laundry on a Friday night or Saturday, it’s a great ice-breaker, and remember, no granny- panties! 4. Go back to school! Check out the classes that the GUYS usually take like engineering, auto mechanics, etc. If you don’t want to join, volunteer to be a class aid. 5. Get a dog and start walking in the park – and bring a Frisbee! 6. Go online! There are all kinds of places you can get a free profile (check out http://www.wheretogetthescoop.com for 10 online dating sites that offer free profiles) 7. Crash a wedding 8. Go to graduations at the local college 9. Attend sporting events and football parties at BW3s or your local sports club (goes along w/#1) 10. Home Depot or your local Lowes – troll the isles, pretend to need help, or attend a free class on how to tile your bathroom floor!
Ok – so you have met him (finally, right?). Now what? Here is where most of us seem to need the help. One of the most important things a woman can do in a relationship to end it right then and there is to “lose her cool”. And I am not talking about just flipping out and telling him what a worthless turd he is for forgetting your anniversary. I mean the “needy Nancy” and the “paranoid Patty” and the “Longing Lucy” or “Clingy Caroline”. Let’s go over just a couple tips.
Guys want someone who is cucumber cool when they want cool, and tamale hot when they want it hot. The trick is knowing which one they want at which time, right? Exactly. One of the keys to this is following his cues and his body language, and making sure that he understands what you are wanting, looking for and needing, and that YOU understand the same from him. Never – ever – assume that just because you think you have a relationship, that you do. Let’s face it ladies, guys are clueless and we need to accept this. Follow his cues and understand his needs, and give him the space he needs when he needs it. But make sure that YOU get space too, even if you don’t think you need it!
Next – (you’ll like this one) do NOT give him everything he wants!! Don’t be a pushover! And by this I do not mean to try to run the relationship like a Nazi. I just mean to – be unavailable sometimes, hold that proverbial “carrot” out there over his head just a little out of reach. If you start out giving him everything he wants, you will have to either a) keep it up or b) end it at some point and he will wonder where his wonderful little slave went. Don’t start it!
Ok, that being said, there is a lot more advice out there for women that is geared specifically toward women. Women need dating advice! There is a guy out there named Christian Carter who has developed and entire program based specifically on dating advice for women, as well as relationship advice once you are in it. Christian Carter offers free newsletters, too, so you do not have to pay for some killer dating advice.
http://www.youcangettheguy.com/.
Men: The Language of Attraction
Words are powerful. Words trigger memories and inspire emotions. Therefore chose your words carefully when communicating with with the opposite sex.
In dating, the proper words can turn on and attract, or turn off and repel a would be partner. The following are four strategies that men can use to create an irresistible attraction.
1) Use descriptive words. Words like penetration, pounding, throbbing and licking all create powerful pictures. These are just a few of the hundreds of words that can be used to instantly trigger thoughts of passion. Take a few minutes now and make a list of all the words you can think of that describe a passionate situation. Learn to string these trigger words into your everyday vocabulary.
2) Become a story teller. The ultimate way to catch anyones' attention is through stories. Becoming a good story teller will get women captivated on you. Learn to break down a story to minute details. Make the listener put themselves into the story. A good story to tell can be pertaining to your fantasy. Create a detailed picture of your fantasy and express it in your words. If done correctly this will create an instant desire to join you in your fantasy.
3) Use gestures when communicating with the opposite sex. Gestures adds flair to a conversation. They tell the listener that you are passionate. It conveys an air of leadership. Although women demand their individuality, they are also attracted to leadership types. Leaders set themselves apart. A very powerful attraction device.
4) Learn to use whispers to your advantage. Whispers do a few things that can increase attraction. First, they draw a person closer. Just the close proximity can increase attraction in and of itself. Next, whispers put the mind at attention. When you whisper it's like creating a direct tunnel for your words to hit the mind. Rarely is a person not 100% concentrating on the words in a whisper. Use this time to apply your descriptive words to create pictures.
Learning to use language can be your most potent strategy for creating attraction. Experiment with the power of words. You are going to love the results.
Mike Martinez is a freelance writer who has been featured in national magazines. He resides in Southern New Jersey and is the webmaster at http://www.datingtipsite.com/
In dating, the proper words can turn on and attract, or turn off and repel a would be partner. The following are four strategies that men can use to create an irresistible attraction.
1) Use descriptive words. Words like penetration, pounding, throbbing and licking all create powerful pictures. These are just a few of the hundreds of words that can be used to instantly trigger thoughts of passion. Take a few minutes now and make a list of all the words you can think of that describe a passionate situation. Learn to string these trigger words into your everyday vocabulary.
2) Become a story teller. The ultimate way to catch anyones' attention is through stories. Becoming a good story teller will get women captivated on you. Learn to break down a story to minute details. Make the listener put themselves into the story. A good story to tell can be pertaining to your fantasy. Create a detailed picture of your fantasy and express it in your words. If done correctly this will create an instant desire to join you in your fantasy.
3) Use gestures when communicating with the opposite sex. Gestures adds flair to a conversation. They tell the listener that you are passionate. It conveys an air of leadership. Although women demand their individuality, they are also attracted to leadership types. Leaders set themselves apart. A very powerful attraction device.
4) Learn to use whispers to your advantage. Whispers do a few things that can increase attraction. First, they draw a person closer. Just the close proximity can increase attraction in and of itself. Next, whispers put the mind at attention. When you whisper it's like creating a direct tunnel for your words to hit the mind. Rarely is a person not 100% concentrating on the words in a whisper. Use this time to apply your descriptive words to create pictures.
Learning to use language can be your most potent strategy for creating attraction. Experiment with the power of words. You are going to love the results.
Mike Martinez is a freelance writer who has been featured in national magazines. He resides in Southern New Jersey and is the webmaster at http://www.datingtipsite.com/
Ten Romantic Date Ideas
Candlelight dinners and rose petals aside, if you are looking to go the extra mile for your sweetheart, here are some romantic date ideas to get you started.
Ice skating
Whether you are an expert skater or a beginner, ice skating has a zest that exudes romance. Why else do you think couples always hold hands while stumbling around the ice? Of course, this would not be time to display your killer hockey moves, but helping your date find her balance, or even better, catching her when she falls can bring you closer together. Slip and slide together, and then laugh about it later over hot chocolate.
Walk
Believe it or not, the most romantic thing a man can do is take the time to listen to what she has to say, and then open up and share his thoughts and feelings. What better time to do this than on a meandering walk? Whether you walk on the beach or through the woods, spend some time connecting on an intimate level through physical proximity and conversation.
Painting
Paint a portrait of each other and enjoy the closeness, or perhaps bring along supplies for two and both attempt to capture a fiery sunset.
Dancing or Dancing Lessons
Do you know how to dance, even if you don’t really like to? Is dancing a foreign language to you, and you are terrified to even try? Don’t be. Women love men who are light on their feet or who at least give it a shot. Take her dancing or go together for dancing lessons. As we all know, a woman’s body can speak volumes through dance.
Take a Drive
Enjoy the outdoors in true style. Rent or take your own convertible for a drive along the beach or into the hills. Let the breeze waft while you enjoy the stunning California views and each other’s company.
Show
Women love to get dressed up. Take her to an evening performance and give her the chance to really shine. For extra style points, take her shopping earlier in the day for a new gown and accessories then pick her up in the evening to see her model your gifts in full splendor.
Cook Together
Gourmet or not, cooking together and sharing the same small kitchen space can be very romantic. Plan meals together, hit the grocery store and then sip wine as you offer tasty morsels to each other as samples.
Wine Tasting
Vineyards, hills, grapes, and wine – do we need to say more?
Aquarium
Lights are dim, and tranquil views await you around every corner. Enjoy the beauty and peace of aquatic life while strolling slowly through an aquarium.
Boating
While Italy has gondolas, California has the modern equivalent – sailboats. Take your girl sailing. If you don’t know how to man a vessel, by all means book passage on a pleasure boat for an afternoon or evening sail. The gentle lull of the waves and briny air serve as the perfect backdrop for a memorable kiss.
Ron Zvagelsky has a degree in Business Administration from the University of Southern California. He graduated Magna Cum Laude in May 2006. He is currently the Chief Executive Officer of PlanJam.com --where you can plan and find romantic date ideas.
Ice skating
Whether you are an expert skater or a beginner, ice skating has a zest that exudes romance. Why else do you think couples always hold hands while stumbling around the ice? Of course, this would not be time to display your killer hockey moves, but helping your date find her balance, or even better, catching her when she falls can bring you closer together. Slip and slide together, and then laugh about it later over hot chocolate.
Walk
Believe it or not, the most romantic thing a man can do is take the time to listen to what she has to say, and then open up and share his thoughts and feelings. What better time to do this than on a meandering walk? Whether you walk on the beach or through the woods, spend some time connecting on an intimate level through physical proximity and conversation.
Painting
Paint a portrait of each other and enjoy the closeness, or perhaps bring along supplies for two and both attempt to capture a fiery sunset.
Dancing or Dancing Lessons
Do you know how to dance, even if you don’t really like to? Is dancing a foreign language to you, and you are terrified to even try? Don’t be. Women love men who are light on their feet or who at least give it a shot. Take her dancing or go together for dancing lessons. As we all know, a woman’s body can speak volumes through dance.
Take a Drive
Enjoy the outdoors in true style. Rent or take your own convertible for a drive along the beach or into the hills. Let the breeze waft while you enjoy the stunning California views and each other’s company.
Show
Women love to get dressed up. Take her to an evening performance and give her the chance to really shine. For extra style points, take her shopping earlier in the day for a new gown and accessories then pick her up in the evening to see her model your gifts in full splendor.
Cook Together
Gourmet or not, cooking together and sharing the same small kitchen space can be very romantic. Plan meals together, hit the grocery store and then sip wine as you offer tasty morsels to each other as samples.
Wine Tasting
Vineyards, hills, grapes, and wine – do we need to say more?
Aquarium
Lights are dim, and tranquil views await you around every corner. Enjoy the beauty and peace of aquatic life while strolling slowly through an aquarium.
Boating
While Italy has gondolas, California has the modern equivalent – sailboats. Take your girl sailing. If you don’t know how to man a vessel, by all means book passage on a pleasure boat for an afternoon or evening sail. The gentle lull of the waves and briny air serve as the perfect backdrop for a memorable kiss.
Ron Zvagelsky has a degree in Business Administration from the University of Southern California. He graduated Magna Cum Laude in May 2006. He is currently the Chief Executive Officer of PlanJam.com --where you can plan and find romantic date ideas.
The Language Of Pet Names
It’s a definite turning point, isn’t it? She blurts it out innocently enough, but there it is—it’s out there, “Honey” (or, if the Angels Of Affectionate Blessing are working extra hard, “Sugar Smacks”…or “Beanly”…or “Goodness”). The proverbial cat is out of its bag. Just don’t call me that in front of my friends, okay, “Sweet Thing”?
Pet names. What a concept. A topic I genuinely like, and have thought about in detail. I believe it’s all about adding a new level of identity to a certain person so as to set apart the relationship between parties as sacred (or something like that). Pet names are a lot like nicknames in this respect, demonstrating that someone “cares” enough to call you in a way more private or familial than your given name. But see, just about anyone you know can “care” enough to tag you with a mere nickname, and the end result can be questionable, right “Pigeon Lips”? Oh yeah. Make no mistake, pet names are nicknames made perfect. This is all part of that elusive “language of love” made famous by Pepe LePew, et al.
Women, I’m guessing, typically get the ball rolling, and may wonder where the reciprocation is. Well, there’s good cause for concern. A man might very well feel that "pet names" are a feminine thing, so during the normal course of life he may carefully guard his "macho" exterior and act embarrassed by them and/or refrain from using them--especially in public I'd think. During the passion of sex, however, he may feel more uninhibited or quite frankly may not be able to help himself from coming out with the little names he already has in mind for her.
Did you know that it's very common for women to "age regress" when they are both attracted to and comfortable with a man? It's a very clear sign. "Baby talk" and pet-names are by products of this, and yes...it's a feminine trait. You know what I mean: all those little “cute-isms” used around the house that all healthy couples seem to have, but which the man would NEVER acknowledge outside of the safe confines of the house or the car. A while back Match.com used to have "baby talk" on its list of "turn on/turnoffs" for members to select from when creating profiles. Women almost always checked it as a "turnoff" (e.g. if coming from a guy). My educated guess, however, is that a man really likes when women do that stuff because it gives him the security of knowing she's into him…as bizarre as that sounds.
And what about those pet names themselves? There are "universal" or "safe" pet names (e.g. baby, honey, cutie) that everyone can use over and over. Others, like "pumpkin", "sweet stuff", etc. probably aren't 'transferable' to the next relationship--it would feel weird. Re-using the “sacred” ones would be kind of like calling out an ex-lover’s name in bed, right?
All of this said, I do believe there are distinct words a man can use when talking to a woman he likes that accomplish the same endearing purpose as the "femmie" pet names, YET project all the right things about manhood. This is a tricky one, and highly variable depending on a guy’s personality…or the woman’s for that matter. Oddly enough, “girlie”, “female” and “blondie” are examples I’ve heard can be used effectively…
Copyright 2006 X & Y Communications
Want to hear more? Scot McKay is a dating coach in San Antonio, TX and founder of X & Y Communications, a one-stop-shop for dating resources. He is the author of the new book “Deserve What You Want”, and hosts the popular podcast series “X & Y On The Fly”. He may be reached at scot@xandycommunications.net or on the Web at http://www.dating-advice.us/ and http://www.romantic-dinners.com/. The podcast series is available free of charge at http://feeds.feedburner.com/xyonthefly.
Pet names. What a concept. A topic I genuinely like, and have thought about in detail. I believe it’s all about adding a new level of identity to a certain person so as to set apart the relationship between parties as sacred (or something like that). Pet names are a lot like nicknames in this respect, demonstrating that someone “cares” enough to call you in a way more private or familial than your given name. But see, just about anyone you know can “care” enough to tag you with a mere nickname, and the end result can be questionable, right “Pigeon Lips”? Oh yeah. Make no mistake, pet names are nicknames made perfect. This is all part of that elusive “language of love” made famous by Pepe LePew, et al.
Women, I’m guessing, typically get the ball rolling, and may wonder where the reciprocation is. Well, there’s good cause for concern. A man might very well feel that "pet names" are a feminine thing, so during the normal course of life he may carefully guard his "macho" exterior and act embarrassed by them and/or refrain from using them--especially in public I'd think. During the passion of sex, however, he may feel more uninhibited or quite frankly may not be able to help himself from coming out with the little names he already has in mind for her.
Did you know that it's very common for women to "age regress" when they are both attracted to and comfortable with a man? It's a very clear sign. "Baby talk" and pet-names are by products of this, and yes...it's a feminine trait. You know what I mean: all those little “cute-isms” used around the house that all healthy couples seem to have, but which the man would NEVER acknowledge outside of the safe confines of the house or the car. A while back Match.com used to have "baby talk" on its list of "turn on/turnoffs" for members to select from when creating profiles. Women almost always checked it as a "turnoff" (e.g. if coming from a guy). My educated guess, however, is that a man really likes when women do that stuff because it gives him the security of knowing she's into him…as bizarre as that sounds.
And what about those pet names themselves? There are "universal" or "safe" pet names (e.g. baby, honey, cutie) that everyone can use over and over. Others, like "pumpkin", "sweet stuff", etc. probably aren't 'transferable' to the next relationship--it would feel weird. Re-using the “sacred” ones would be kind of like calling out an ex-lover’s name in bed, right?
All of this said, I do believe there are distinct words a man can use when talking to a woman he likes that accomplish the same endearing purpose as the "femmie" pet names, YET project all the right things about manhood. This is a tricky one, and highly variable depending on a guy’s personality…or the woman’s for that matter. Oddly enough, “girlie”, “female” and “blondie” are examples I’ve heard can be used effectively…
Copyright 2006 X & Y Communications
Want to hear more? Scot McKay is a dating coach in San Antonio, TX and founder of X & Y Communications, a one-stop-shop for dating resources. He is the author of the new book “Deserve What You Want”, and hosts the popular podcast series “X & Y On The Fly”. He may be reached at scot@xandycommunications.net or on the Web at http://www.dating-advice.us/ and http://www.romantic-dinners.com/. The podcast series is available free of charge at http://feeds.feedburner.com/xyonthefly.
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